depressions are for the good,at times!!!

I kept looking at the clock on the wall,
You must have heard it ticking a lot of times.
Many a times, hearing the sound of silence.

I tried looking at my phone every-time you spoke.
I tried making no eye - contact while You were talking;
While I was talking.

I dressed messy, no curiosity what so ever.
Didn't do my hair, no kohl to spice up the stare.
At the worst I could be.

I told you, I was wild; I told you I had nothing to do with the reality.
I told you that I believed in dreams.
I told you I was a maniac. Nothing could bring me down - not even the gravity.

What then made you consider me, Sir?
I am may be filled with I.
So much so that I have no space left.
I told you... It will be congested.
You might choke and suffer....
Every breathe you take.

I believe in love stories, I said;
They are for real!
To me a bond is to grow my inner self.
Not to grow families in thread.

What then made you consider me, Sir?
I might not give you happiness...
But I promise you that you will find yourself, someday...
Every one goes through that pain.
But, don't you think it's your turn now, Sir?

I make no money, I sing no song
Though I am blessed the way others are not.
Nothing makes sense to me for sure.
What then made you consider me, Sir?

No matter how much people hate you. It does not matter how much of an anti- social you are. Because the younger ones at home are always going to look up to you. Definitely in my case; if not yours. The piece that you are going to have a read off is a perfect example of influence. Just speak a few high funda Angrezi words and there you go! they are flattered. I flattered my sister so much so that she thought I was the perfect person for the interview she had to take, as part of her school assignment. The interview had to be of a person whom she looked up to in her life.Now that makes me feel like a star(at least in the assignments).

Here are a few excerpts from the interview...

She first starts with the introduction (which makes me feel so happy about my existence). Then, she begins her rapid fire.

        I am still on the verge of learning and understanding not so trivial issues. A complex did take place in my head for not knowing but yes, not for long! my heart stood strong. What makes me happy in spite of not knowing much is, I still have a burning passion to know.
        But, a question arises from the heart. And not to forget, I listen to my heart only when everybody else stops listening to me. Sad! During one of the depressed moments, It asks me with a bellow, "do you really think that you are unaware?" Have not you heard of the wise saying, Fools only talk and empty vessels make noise? why do you get intimidated?" But my head contradicts saying," Look at their flow of thoughts, their words. By the time I think, I see them standing upright for what they feel. My eyes then intrude. This is it! The eyes give me an answer and I am liberated, at least for that one moment. they say ,belle! I have just shown you a sight. Its on your head to discover the insight!
         Luckily, for once my head listens to the heart. But as heads are famous for, one side of it needs logical explanation. From that very moment, when the head loses its battle with the heart and the eyes, it starts exploring to find every reason to prove them wrong! Head strongly believes in "Seeing is believing. And that is what the rest of the people do. So in order get noticed, taking a stand becomes important." So important that the head stops seeing the unseen. The one who are vocally strong and are preferred by the preferred seem to be the ones KNOWING IT ALL!
          What made the head see the unseen? Was it a spiritual experience? Something marvelous discovered in the caves? Well, the head did not physically go to these places, but felt much bigger and powerful reading just few lines of a writer, Vinita Dawra Nangia, a Sunday times' writer. All my questions are answered with these few lines,
        " If you have participated in a discourse on philosophical or spiritual issues in the day, had a heated discussion on the state of the nation, or stood vigil in the sun while Anna fasted, you feel you have done your bit and are a worthwhile cog in the wheel of life. Some others may get the same feeling after reading a good book or watching a movie that leaves them with some worthwhile thoughts and questions." My moment of liberation! I do not know anything about her. But she was a timely help to my head!
          It took me twenty two years to understand that people who stand strong can be the most feeble. And the liberated souls can be belittled. Wisdom is , discovering those from the people suffering from bathos. Ask those who spend months and years in prison for heinous crimes,  WHICH THEY HAVE NOT COMMITED.  The Raymond Daniel Towlers , the Iftikhar Gilanis, and the ones still fighting for freedom. Towler says, " Nothing is free. Not even freedom". The system has proven to be anti- justice to them. Yet they remain humble and composed. Often, souls like these do not strongly impose ideas, instead are level- headed, Following their chosen path with silence speaking louder. I am convinced that being verbal and projecting ALL THAT YOU KNOW is not what is needed to make a change. Working towards it matters. Truth lies in them. These are the people who fought for something and stood strong. Not the ones, who only speak to have a unique idea and fail to understand that they are suffering from a contagious disease called " Bathos". 
                 ALBERT EINSTEIN makes me even happier by saying that, "Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited but imagination encircles the world". I have started differntiating the  souls who imagine and are Seeking for knowledge, unlike the people who prefer the trivial notions of the preferred.
                    Lord! May the wise arise and mellow the bellow of the bathos!

  

                  It has been really long since I have spoken something confidently.Facing the class debates and discussions have become a pain,a mere pain.The sweat glands start working at their best at times when I am asked of my opinion on something.Forget about the presentations that I have to do on the regular basis,I am at a fix when people ask me the simplest of questions like what kind of food or clothes I like.I feel nervous when I have to make decisions.

                          " Hey Eeshwar,ae Khuda,Jagruth kar hume tu zara...

                    This thought came to me when i was thinking of Muskaan(11) and Ritish(10),siblings to each other and children of the ill fated parents,Sangeetha and Ranjith,who were abducted by their private taxi driver and eventually were killed by him when he pushed the kids into the water canal 120 kms away from the city.I was trying to feel the suffocation Muskaan and Ritish would have gone through.The canal water slowly taking its kingly sized place into their body washing off the body blood from each and every cell and each and every part of the innocent victims.How happy they would have been when they were told that they were being taken for a picnic and the same contradictory feeling of helplessness crying for help being replaced at the time when they were drowning. Muskaan was on the verge of tasting the sweetness of adolscence,probably eager to meet the guy she would have had a crush on.Or may be she would have thought that "wish I could wear colour dress and wear those matching pins mumma had brought last summer from nani's place.Did she,a 11 year old, even know that she was being sexually assaulted when the so called "humans" were enjoying the pleasures pushing her towards misery and darkness?Oh no,Oh no,this is not the world they had imagined.Nor did we. And Ritish,oh my,the only thought that would have played in his mind when he was in the car travelling towards his destination of death was ,as to which game he would play with his friends once he got there on the picnic spot,a reason that the murderer lied to succeed in his selfish,inhuman plans.Ritish's mind would have been overflowing with ideas planning to play a prank on his friend once he got in touch with the rest of his friends.Innocence would have been at its best at that time.Eagerness could  have derived its best definition from these kids before the horrendous incident.

                    Today,Ritish could have had the best sunday snack and might have gone out with dad to get the daily stationary needs that a kid of his age would always crave for.A new pen,a new notebook with the whitest of pages to write on since the pages were over in his old one.Muskaan trying to dance or paint or sing in the most "girliest" way possible, at times fighting with her younger brother to leave her alone and not to play with her stuff.

                    

                    I was then thinking about the man behind their killing.Why did he kill them?Why was his mind manipulated?So much so that killing the "physically immatured skinny kids" had become a left handed easy job for him?there is so much of lack in awakening among the people today.Had he been thought the true essence of life,he could have been the best person certainly doing his bit to make this world a better place to live in.I now realise how not worthy it is to give birth to a child.How will I face the growing child? How will I answer the questions it will ask,apparently, leaving me ponderous and inarticulate.what will I share with my child to make him amazed of the life on this planet earth? To make him eager and happy about the fact that he was born as a human being? the words my self-awakening and personality development teacher told last class comes alive on my mind.He says,

what kind of life are we going to give the next generation?

will we be able to answer the new kids the questions that they ll pose about this deadly world?

will we be in a position to give them a happy safe world?

what are we doing to give them a better world?

Then i start humming Declan Galbraith's song early in the morning when i am in the loo..

"In my dreams,children sing,a song of love for every boy and girl

                    This is an incident,a sad mark ,which will remain engraved in the annals of history.The nature cried,the skies were gloomy and indifferently purple showering the chill rains hurting my skin with crooked unshapely black lines on the cloud giving me a feel of a barren land covering the light blue sky.