How Should I feel In This Dead Dead World With A Dead Dead attitude?

Posted by Heena Golecha On Saturday, October 30, 2010 2 comments

            Human cruelty has reached such a state it has left me feel expressionless,emotionless.Human being!,Strangely,this term makes me feel that how can human be a being? for being means,"absolute existence in a perfect or a complete state,not lacking any essential characteristic".Is'nt mercy an essential characteristic?


                          " Hey Eeshwar,ae Khuda,Jagruth kar hume tu zara...
                           Jhaad kate hain,Laash bichi hain,
                           Jagruth kar Manavtha se zara,
                           Maanush chand paiso ke liye nanhi jaanon ko hain maare,
                           Jagruth kar tu inhe Karuna se zara."

                    This thought came to me when i was thinking of Muskaan(11) and Ritish(10),siblings to each other and children of the ill fated parents,Sangeetha and Ranjith,who were abducted by their private taxi driver and eventually were killed by him when he pushed the kids into the water canal 120 kms away from the city.I was trying to feel the suffocation Muskaan and Ritish would have gone through.The canal water slowly taking its kingly sized place into their body washing off the body blood from each and every cell and each and every part of the innocent victims.How happy they would have been when they were told that they were being taken for a picnic and the same contradictory feeling of helplessness crying for help being replaced at the time when they were drowning. Muskaan was on the verge of tasting the sweetness of adolscence,probably eager to meet the guy she would have had a crush on.Or may be she would have thought that "wish I could wear colour dress and wear those matching pins mumma had brought last summer from nani's place.Did she,a 11 year old, even know that she was being sexually assaulted when the so called "humans" were enjoying the pleasures pushing her towards misery and darkness?Oh no,Oh no,this is not the world they had imagined.Nor did we. And Ritish,oh my,the only thought that would have played in his mind when he was in the car travelling towards his destination of death was ,as to which game he would play with his friends once he got there on the picnic spot,a reason that the murderer lied to succeed in his selfish,inhuman plans.Ritish's mind would have been overflowing with ideas planning to play a prank on his friend once he got in touch with the rest of his friends.Innocence would have been at its best at that time.Eagerness could  have derived its best definition from these kids before the horrendous incident.

                    Today,Ritish could have had the best sunday snack and might have gone out with dad to get the daily stationary needs that a kid of his age would always crave for.A new pen,a new notebook with the whitest of pages to write on since the pages were over in his old one.Muskaan trying to dance or paint or sing in the most "girliest" way possible, at times fighting with her younger brother to leave her alone and not to play with her stuff.
                    
                    I was then thinking about the man behind their killing.Why did he kill them?Why was his mind manipulated?So much so that killing the "physically immatured skinny kids" had become a left handed easy job for him?there is so much of lack in awakening among the people today.Had he been thought the true essence of life,he could have been the best person certainly doing his bit to make this world a better place to live in.I now realise how not worthy it is to give birth to a child.How will I face the growing child? How will I answer the questions it will ask,apparently, leaving me ponderous and inarticulate.what will I share with my child to make him amazed of the life on this planet earth? To make him eager and happy about the fact that he was born as a human being? the words my self-awakening and personality development teacher told last class comes alive on my mind.He says,
what kind of life are we going to give the next generation?
will we be able to answer the new kids the questions that they ll pose about this deadly world?
will we be in a position to give them a happy safe world?
what are we doing to give them a better world?
Then i start humming Declan Galbraith's song early in the morning when i am in the loo..

"In my dreams,children sing,a song of love for every boy and girl
 Sky is blue and fields are green,
 Laughter is the language of the world.
 But i wake and all i see,is a world full of people in need.
 Tell me why?does it have to be like this.
 Tell me why?coz i don't understand,when so many need somebody,we don't give a  helping hand,tell me why.
 Everyday,i ask myself,what will i have to do to be a man?
 Do i have to stand the fight?
 And prove to everybody who i am?
 Is that what my life is for?
 To have wasted in the world full of war!
 Tell me why"...

                    This is an incident,a sad mark ,which will remain engraved in the annals of history.The nature cried,the skies were gloomy and indifferently purple showering the chill rains hurting my skin with crooked unshapely black lines on the cloud giving me a feel of a barren land covering the light blue sky.

"HOW SHOULD I FEEL?I AM NOT UPSET.I AM NOT SAD!
I AM NOT DEPRESSED NOR AM I GLAD.
THE FACT THAT THE HUMANS ARE THIS WAY HAS MADE ME GO ON WITH LIFE
 WITH NOTHING AFFECTING ME DEEP INSIDE MY HEART!" 

I

Posted by Heena Golecha On Monday, September 27, 2010 0 comments

A journey less travelled,
when travelled,will leave one marvelled!
A voyage so difficult to go..
A destination so near and i did'nt know.

What is "I" all about?
wish I spent time thinking about it all throughout;
It is painfull,it is illusory,
how do I seek in a society full of glory?

Were it the times of ill-fate which lead me to this journey?
Or was it to heal my pain or for others agony?
"I" and my body are near yet so far...
How do I find and bloom this flower?

It is intense!and one needs to leave the state of pretence.
But what is true and what is pretence??
One moment I am happy and the other I am sad!
sad for not knowing that the moment I felt happy did actually make me glad?

What does being happy mean?
Is it the dejection that is actually healing the pain?
for despiriting of the heart is where the journey again starts..
To unravel the mystery of "I" and the sorts!

who am I?
where am I?
what am I?
How am I?

selfish and jealous : lacking zealous!
but helpless and so wanting to be selfless!
An infant is not aware of the world it is said.
But is there in it that the secret of "I" is kept?

This stage of innocence was serene and true,
After which the emotions grew,pseudo and untrue..
Piling up on the "I" which got embedded inside;
Attachment and pleasure covered it like a heap of dust,so vile.

How do I discover the journey of "I"?
When no routes and no maps are laid to try!
Why is growing up so painfull,so vainfull,so dry?
Will my thirst quench and will I seek "I"?